Dead in the Water
by NotsoSugarQueen
Summary: At first, it was gone. But it returned after the War ended. It was like a poison that seeped through my body, showing up in dreams and absent minded thoughts. The secret that hurt so much to keep. The tightness in my chest that made it hard to breathe. In another life, things would have been different. How I ended up talking to Nico di Angelo about it, I don't know. Oneshot.


**Dead in the Water-**

**A.N.: So there has been a lot of Thaluke oneshots lately, and its really infected me with feels, so I need to just get them out! So, here goes! This was inspired by Ellie Goulding's song, ****Dead in the Water****, but it isn't a songfic. If you looked this song up, you'd feel what I feel about it… it just fits so well.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO. If I did, I would've released House of Hades a lot earlier in the year, believe me!**

_"If I was not myself…_

_And you were someone else._

_I'd say so much to you,_

_And I would tell the truth. _

_Cause I can hardly breathe,_

_And your hands let go of me._

_The ice is thinning out._

_My feet brace themselves._

_I'm there, in the water. _

_Still looking for you._

_I'm there, in the water._

_Can't you see?_

_Can't you see?"_

**_-Ellie Goulding,_**_**Dead in the Water**_

Thalia .

It was honestly the hardest thing about being a Hunter.

And how I ended up telling Nico di Angelo, of all people, about it, I had absolutely no idea.

It all started when I'd left the Artemis Cabin at night for one of my usual, insomnia plagued walks. The harpies never crossed my mind. I didn't frequent camp, so I had no problem with taking one of them out as soon as they went _squawk! _and decided they were hungry for a midnight snack.

Of course, I'd assumed all of the campers would be tucked into bed, snoozing peacefully. Well, with the exception of the Stolls and the rest of the Hermes kids. Zeus knows what sort of illegal things they did at night.

My feet crunched on the frosty ground—it was late fall at camp, and though it was still crowded, it wasn't as packed as during the summer season. Not to mention not as fun. Annabeth and Percy were both away at school in the mortal world, so there would be no catching up. My heart ached to be able to sit down and just talk to them for a while. The last time that had happened had been after the Titan War at the Parker Meridien. Which, in short, was a long time ago.

Not that I could even talk about most of the things I wanted to talk about with them. Some things I was scared to say out loud. How exactly are you supposed to say you're unhappy with a sacred vow that is supposed to last forever? Exactly. It was easier just to smile and lie through my teeth and say I loved being a Huntress.

Okay, so maybe I was being a little dramatic about it. I did love it. Loved the routine, the calm that now accompanied tracking and killing monsters, the burst of adrenaline I got when I released the bowstring and sent the arrow flying. Ironically, now that I was frozen in time, I'd never felt more _alive. _

But something had been nagging at me, something that hadn't in a very long time. It was a growing thing, creeping into my thoughts when I wasn't occupied with more important things, or seeping into my dreams during restless sleeps. That emptiness that made me feel hollow every time I passed a teen couple on the street or heard a love song.

It had only been a few years since then. Five or six, at most, seven. My friends were still alive, but older, with jobs, responsibilities, and Annabeth and Percy even had a little baby girl. Trying to live our their still mortal lives as demigods as normally as possible.

I was the only one that remained, ageless, an immortal, mostly responsibility-free teenager, hunting down monsters and running around the United States with my adoptive sisters. For a lot of girls, it could be _the_ life. But for me, it was just my life. Not necessarily the one I'd dreamed of living when I was little, or even the life I dreamed of living when I'd been resurrected. It was just how things had panned out.

In another life, things would have been different.

But the Fates are cruel.

I hugged my silver parka around me as I passed the edges of the cabins and headed towards the woods. The eerie darkness calmed me, released the tightness in my chest and helped me breathe. I was alone, and there was no need to pretend.

A twig snapped behind me, and I stopped, inhaling sharply and tuning my ears into the sounds around me. There'd always been rumors about the monsters in the woods at camp, but I'd doubted it for a long time. It was more likely a dryad or a satyr. And if it was a monster… than I was screwed. I'd left my bow and hunting knives back at Cabin Seven, thinking I wouldn't need them.

A wind whistled through the trees and goose bumps erupted on the back of my neck. I licked my chapped lips, waiting for the next sign of movement.

_Please be a dryad_, I prayed silently. _Don't be that mean._

A figure stumbled out of the trees, and it wasn't a dryad, but it wasn't a monster either, thank the gods.

It was, of all people, Nico di Angelo.

Although, I shouldn't be too surprised. He'd never struck me as the stereotypical rule-following camper. He was a Hades kid, after all. But when I'd arrived, I hadn't seen him. Either I had missed him, or I was witnessing his arrival from his dad's house.

Also known as the Underworld.

He straightened out and caught sight of my transfixed figure. Shock lit his eyes for a moment before they returned to their normal, dark gaze. "Thalia," he spoke. His voice was deeper than I'd remembered, but he was older too. Eighteen or nineteen years old. His dark hair no longer fell in in a shaggy hairstyle, tickling his shoulders, but instead curled around his temples, falling halfway over his forehead. His olive skin was slightly paled, and a dank, musty smell clung to his clothes.

I realized that I'd been staring and jerked myself out of my reverie. "Nico. Gods, I haven't seen you in ages."

He laughed slightly. "Well, I could say the same. How's life as an eternal maiden going?" He shoved his hands into the pockets of his dark jeans. Clearly, the late fall cold didn't affect him much, seeing as to the fact that he was wearing only a black tee shirt with a Day of the Dead skull on it and a broken in looking black leather jacket. Nothing compared to my silver, weather resistant parka.

"Okay. The same as usual, really," I informed him, shifting my weight from foot to foot, unsure of what to say. An awkward gap had opened up in the conversation. An idea itched at the back of my mind. This was my chance to ask. I mean, I didn't know when I'd be in camp next. It would most likely be years from now, and Nico might not even be alive then, for all I knew. When immortality isn't something you possess, your life as a demigod doesn't tend to last too long.

"So what brings you out here in the middle of the night, exactly?" he inquired, breaking the silence that had wedged itself uncomfortably into our conversation.

"Just… can't think around the others. I'm always concentrating on them, so I don't really have time to clear my head," I replied vaguely. He nodded, his eyebrows rising skeptically for a split second before settling back into their usual position.

I cleared my throat. This was it. It was now or never.

"Can I ask you something?" I said quickly.

He cast me a bewildered look before answering. "Yeah, I guess. I don't really know what you'd want to ask me though."

I cleared my throat. At some point, we'd started walking, side by side, through the trees. The dead smell was fainter now, fading the more time he spent in the mortal world.

"You have to promise you won't tell. Swear on the Styx you won't ever bring it up again with me, or anyone else," I told him. "Otherwise..." I trailed off, holding up my hand. My fingertips crackled with electricity. He shrugged.

"I swear on the Styx I won't breathe a word of it to anyone," he promised, holding up his hands. I nodded. The tightness had returned to my chest, the constricting burden of a heavy heart.

"Can you sense souls once they've been reborn?" I asked, the words rushing out of my mouth, followed by a relief that was accompanied by a sense of fear.

"Not really, no. If they're close to me, I can feel that they're familiar, but I can't tell you if someone's been reborn on the other side of the world, no," he told me honestly, and then paused. "Why?"

"No reason," I told him.

"It's about him, isn't it? Luke, I mean?"

His words shattered any resolve that I'd had to keep walking and act like nothing had happened. I hadn't spoken his name out loud since the Titan War. I'd been afraid that if I said it, the pain would become real, not something that I could deny and push to the back of my mind and lock up.

My breathing was ragged, mist puffing into the air. "Why do you think that?" I asked harshly, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Because, in all the times I've met you and talked to you, you never bring it up. And I don't mean the part where he betrayed everyone and merged with Kronos or anything. I'm talking about the part when you and Luke and Annabeth were on the run. I mean, Annabeth was never afraid of talking about it. But you never do. And I have to think that there was something there that started before Annabeth came into the picture," he explained.

I stopped walking. He'd hit the nail right on the head, and my heart pounded in my chest. "There was. I was… in love with him. We kissed a few times. I mean, it was bound to happen. When you spend that much time with someone, and depend that much on them, it kind of just… happens. I don't think Annabeth really remembers all that much about it. She was so little. We were like her siblings. I don't think she noticed it. And then when I… woke up again, and Luke was evil, I didn't want to admit how much it hurt. Because I didn't want to give him that kind of power. And he wasn't _Luke_ anymore, you know? But I still couldn't talk to anyone about it because I was still in love with him. The person he'd been before all that. I wanted to join the Hunters because I thought it might kill those feelings. I couldn't bear having them, because he'd tried to use me. And when I first joined, it was easy. But then they started to come back." I could feel hotness on my face, and I knew I was crying.

"It's not your fault, Thalia," Nico reminded me. I was pretty sure it was the first time I'd ever heard him talk like that, like he really cared and was listening. "It's hard to forget, sometimes."

"I didn't even get to tell him goodbye, when he'd died and killed Kronos. And I couldn't even have admitted how I'd felt because I was already a Hunter, so I wouldn't have been able to talk about it anyway. And it's been a long time since he died, but it still hurts, all the damn time. It's like a poison, you know? It's almost like it's killing me from the inside out," I choked out. And before I knew it, I was wrapped in a leather jacket-clad embrace. I'd never pictured Nico di Angelo as a hugger, but his arms felt natural and comforting around me. It could be seen in a wrong way, but I didn't care too much. I needed this hug right now.

For so long, I'd wanted someone to understand, and finally, it was out. The tightness in my chest had ceased a little, and it wasn't so hard to breathe anymore. My heart still ached, but I doubted that would ever go away fully. Luke was my first, and my last, love.

And maybe I was okay with that.

**Did you like it? It took me a little while to type, and it was a long oneshot, but I liked the way it came out. It was realistic, because even though Thalico would be cute, they're not canon. But Thaluke could be canon, so this is a scene that COULD happen in the future. Anyway, if you liked my writing, then feel free to check out some of my other stories. The one's that I'm really working on are ****Roadtrip!****, ****What to Expect When You're Expecting: Demigod Edition****, ****The Detour****, and ****The Love Club****. So if you have time, that would be amazing of you! Thank you so much for reading! Love you all!**

**Xoxo-NotsoSugarQueen**


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